We like to think that we are in control of our lives, don't we?
First this happens and then this. If we make this choice then this will follow.
We have such neat little packages and labels. Even as a Christian and trusting in God's Sovereignty and Providence--we still get surprised when things don't go "as planned." So, when things come crashing down it is a blow..a shock.
We have just had another crushing blow.
We lost another unborn child.
And it is hard.
It is so hard.
I am thankful though.
I am thankful that when I first saw that smear of blood, I had caregivers that I trusted to call.
I am thankful that even when the office was closed, they had me come in to check for a heartbeat.
I am thankful for modern medicine that allowed us to have an ultrasound to confirm that there was no life.
I am thankful for children who dropped what they were doing at a word to leave to go to the doctor.
I am thankful for a husband who left his work at a moments notice to come be with me.
I am thankful for the ladies that prayed with me, seeing that something was wrong as I had to leave the place I was.
I am thankful for a hospital that is not too distant when the bleeding got excessive.
I am thankful for my Dad who took the kids no questions asked.
I am thankful that I did not need surgery.
I am thankful for a body that works properly to know when something is wrong.
I am thankful that my husband ran in after I passed out at home a few days later.
I am thankful for my Mom who got from the phone call in the middle of the night, to her car in three minutes and came just behind the police officers--so we didn't have to wake the kids.
I am thankful for law enforcement and other caregivers that give up time with their families to serve others.
As much as I hated being in that hospital every second--I am thankful that my husband cared enough to force me to go.
I am thankful that even though my blood pressure and count was dangerous I didn't need a transfusion.
I am thankful that even though my heart rate was dangerous--it was and is still beating.
I am thankful for a home and a family to come home to.
I am thankful for family and friends and churches that pray.
I am thankful I live in a country where we have the freedom to do so.
I am thankful for those who put others first when they see the need.
I am thankful that I have six healthy, vibrant children.
I am thankful for a quiet house right now so I can think on these things, painful as they are.
I am also thankful that I was entrusted, even for a brief time, with the lives of two more little ones.
Because there is a reason and purpose for them, whether I see it now or not.
I don't know why this is my story.
I do know that this story was written long before I could have imagined it.
I do know that I can trust the Author.
I do know that all of this pain and heartache is nothing in comparison with some.
I do know that all of this pain and heartache is absolutely nothing in comparison with what Jesus suffered.
We were never promised that this life would be easy.
We are promised that in Him there is strength to bear it.
I pray that these crosses point us ever to THE CROSS.
I am not really current in the Contemporary Christian Music world or artists etc., but this song really speaks to me and our current situation.