IT IS NOT ALWAYS BEAUTIFUL

 Life is not always beautiful or kind or easy or -insert your synonym here-.

In fact, God's Word tells us we should expect suffering and hard times.

Social media really invites us to gloss over the hard times and make everything picture perfect, it is really a dangerous way to go through life.

Through suffering we experience so much growth in a variety of way.  Not that I am promoting suffering, if we could skip over it, certainly I'd choose that too.  However, I'm sure you know, it is suffering that shapes us.

This July has been really, really hard.

  Heartbreaking and trying. I'm still not sure that I'm ready to "talk about it."

Early in the month, we lost another little one to miscarriage.  We were about 10 weeks along.

Finding out we were expecting, I was a little bit surprised and not sure how to react--in the sense that it had been the longest time since being married that I had not been pregnant or breast-feeding and I am getting older..and the timing would have been a little tricky etc.  It was certainly not unwelcome, just a little surprising and took a little getting used to.  Of course, we adjusted quite quickly and looked forward to meeting the little one in the beginning of 2025.  We did not tell the kids, as it was pretty early yet.

I am thankful that it was not as physically destructive as my previous losses and I did not have to go to the hospital, but nonetheless, just as emotionally draining.

I'll never know why. 

 Why take one that is already so loved?  Why get our hopes up with this little life just to have it taken away?  Why now? 

A week later, one of our sons had an allergic reaction to a bee sting that ended up with him taking a ride in the ambulance to the emergency room.  He was released later that day with antibiotics.  Six days later, he was stung again!!  Thankfully, he was still taking the antibiotics and since his reaction is delayed, we had some time to get to the doctor. This poor kid, if something happens, it is usually him.

During this time, there was a major system hacking at work.

Work was kind of at a standstill for a couple of weeks and as you can imagine, it impacted paychecks in a big way and not in a positive sense.

The emotional toll at this point is just off the charts and just when you think it cannot get any worse.. 

I received news that one of my friends from middle school on up..thirty years or so of friendship..passed away from cancer.  She had been sick for awhile, but only found out what it was two months ago.  There wasn't even time for treatment.  I still can hardly believe I'm writing this. Yes, we hadn't gotten together for a bit of time, but that doesn't make any difference. Friendships of any variety and stage of life are wonderful for the most part, but there is something special about those that begin young and last. Meredith Ann, you are missed. 

Time does not pause for grief of any sort and I'm truly not sure if that is a good or a bad thing. We kept up with the kids' activities and such through it all.  People still need to be cared for and fed, the motions need to be gone through.  I think all the hits kind of numbed me?  I'm not sure if I've really processed everything at this point. Grief doesn't go away though, does it?  It lessens certainly but never completely goes away.

It has NOT been beautiful.  

I don't need to know why or how.

I know that there is a Sovereign, Loving, Heavenly Father in control of it all.

It may sound cliche, but there is a reason for all of this heartache, if I didn't believe that it would be too heavy a burden to carry.  

He has promised never to leave or forsake.

He has promised that His grace is sufficient and His strength is made perfect in weakness.

He has promised sustaining, if our burdens are cast on Him.

He has promised that though we have tribulation, He has overcome the world.

He has promised that the names of all children of God are engraved on the palms of His hands.

Praise the Lord for His goodness.

How does the song go?  

"Because He lives, 

I can face tomorrow.

Because He lives, all fear is gone.

Because I know He holds the future,

And life is worth the living, 

Just because He lives!"